SGA 2X03 runner fanwank

[wickedwords]

I have to apologize in advance for not giving this all the attention it deserves, but if I don't get it out there, I'm never going to be able to focus on work. *g* I did sit down and watch SGA last night, and then I went out and looked at a few people's comments, only to discover that no one was talking about what I thought I saw in the ep.

Specifically, is McKay losing it?

I'm pretty sure we're all aware of how anxiety disorders escalate in a general sense, but I'm not 100% on it myself, so correct my perceptions please! But basically, what I saw was this:

Post-Siege III -- possibly on Atlantis, possibly on Earth, more probably on the Daedalus -- Rodney's mind doesn't have enough to occupy it. He's a worrier, and there's a lot to worry about, but it's not as critical as it was when the wraith were breathing down their necks. And with the excess cycles and the lack of any concrete danger, Rodney starts to obsess about things that could go wrong -- with special emphasis on the exposure to radiation. (look at the way he talks about it in the ep -- sure their are mentions of cell phones and such, but his voice gets tighter and higher and his words more forceful as he talks on about nuclear bomb and finally the exposure to the sun.) Radiation is something silent and hidden and will sneak up on you; no wonder Rodney is trying to find a way to control this hidden killer. He's responsible for everyone, and of course, this is just something else that he has to trace down and manage.

So he makes sunscreens, and offers to share. He asks for radiation suits, not just for himself, but for the others too. He's freaking out, but he's still trying to care for them. And Major Lorne, the new guy, totally disses his concerns. (Major Lorne to me is like the Goons in Koshka's stories, and it's the first time that we've seen that attitude in Atlantis. It shows that the new guys have a different approach to the geeks than the old guard does, for one, and the second thing that it shows is how disconnected the new guard is from what McKay used to be like. All they have to go on is the new, completely freak-out McKay, and that's not going to have a happy ending.)

(BTW - this does make me wonder where Heightmeyer is. Is she one of the 40 who got taken by the wraith? If so, is there a therapist back in Atlantis at all or did they decide that they'd just ship people back on the Daedalus if they started to crack? If there's no shrink, then Rodney is handling this all on his own, and it's no wonder he's reverting back to his old, superstitious-style behavior. "If I just to this, it will fix the problem. If I work hard enough, if I make the right sun screen, if I can get this technology working, I might be able to stay safe, and my friends might stay safe as well" Of course, he's not going to be able to manage that, and it's all going to collapse on him some day, but hey, at the moment he's not going to be thinking of that because when caught up in the superstitious behavior, all the energy is going to that, and nothing else.)

The thing is, I don't believe that McKay really believes that they will find Ford. In his mind, ford is just another one of the missing or dead he's processing, and he's cut off all mental ties to that. In his head, he believes he's okay and has moved on -- but he hasn't. So all of his behavior in not coming to the meeting on time, on dismissing his friendship with ford, of calling out "Rodney, Rodney McKay" is because he has no faith in the universe, at least not about the dead. They are gone, and that's it; any emotional energy that goes into that is wasted, so cut all ties as quickly and cleanly as you can.

Meanwhile, John is being hopeful and believes that they will find ford, and I think that eventually led to a blow-up between him and Rodney that we didn't get to see as it's not episode-related. John's not coping just as Rodney's not coping, and John's obsessive behaviors are different form Rodney's, and it is their pain that is distancing them from each other.

But when Ford appears, stunning Rodney out of his lack of faith, he can be his old self again and no longer guard himself quite so much - until that falls apart too. So he panics and runs, and he's in a completely vulnerable space as he's let himself feel again, and tried to act with his newer skills (like shooting at ford) rather than his old ones; and the new ones won't keep him safe.

The old ones don't either, and so Rodney ends up captured, hitting the end of the emotional rollercoaster, going to be killed by a former friend that he thought was dead. In my reading of this, I see Rodney as close to tears right when the snare closes around his legs and pulls him up; he's completely emotionally exhausted. But he doesn't tip over quite far enough to cry, trying one more time to talk ford out of it, and Sheppard then saves him.

I read this whole episode as a lot sadder and more desperate than the commentary that I've seen so far, and I feel real empathy for Rodney's situation. To me, it's not humorous buffoonery so much as it is an attempt to control things that cannot be controlled, and no one recognizes it. He's surrounded with new people, John has distanced himself and is dealing with new issues, and Elizabeth's back on Atlantis and can't see that he's falling apart. And I'm sure in the labs, where he is in control, things look pretty much the same as they did before -- maybe he'll be able to retreat there where he feels safe for once and pull himself together some after this.

Comments

[minnow1212.livejournal.com]

I think I will go with this. (I am not completely sure that the writers are trying for this, but I will go with this as it makes sense to me and be happy--thanks.)

>at the end of his emotional rope<

I am a mean, awful, cruel person, because I let out a little snorfle here and thought, "And that's not the only rope he's at the end of."

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Okay, I am immeadiately going to change that phrasing, even though I agree it's funny; it's just not quite what I was going for. *g*

And I often see things that aren't intended and I read stories that aren't intended; I think I must get this via UHF.

[kadymae.livejournal.com]

Thank you. This is what I felt about this episode, too. (Just didn't have time to sit down, cogitate, and write it all out.)

Rodney is tightly wound at the best of times, but right now he's had more thrown at him than he really can handle.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's my feeling too. I think it may be building to something, but we'll just have to see. it could be totally dropped, or I could be completely off-base. But at the moment, it's a possibility.

[nestra.livejournal.com]

Nice fanwank. I approve.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[casspeach.livejournal.com]

Oh, I like this, I really do. I absolutely agree that to soe extent this ep was Rodney retreating into old behaviours, but I don't know that old Rodney would have been quite so concerned that no one else was going to wear the radiation suits or use his suncream, so I can really see this whole ep as Rodney kind of trying to go back to who he used to be and not quite being able to get the barriers up again.

okay, so I am not so good at articulating my thoughts as you, but I know what I mean, lol.

I can absolutely see Rodney's pessimims and John's optimism bringing them to a huge clash too, and to be honest think maybe they should have shown it, and it might have made John's behaviour feel less off.

Basically I agree with a lot of what you say. I hope Carson had the sense to bring someone psych-y back to Atlantis if Heightmeyer did get dries out to a leggy blond husk.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

I hink we get to see a progression here of Rodney's behavior getting more and more extreme as he tries to control things outside of his control. It's an escalation of tension, as each new wave overwhelms him, and he can't find anything solid to stand on.

[kitestringer.livejournal.com]

Hey, I just surfed in on my friends' friends list—I hope you don't mind my popping in here to say *YES*, this was really how I saw Rodney's behavior in this episode, too. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a big laugh out of a lot of it (DH is great at comedy!); in a larger sense, though, I saw someone who is almost certainly trying to deal with a huge amount of sadness and anxiety at the moment (probably an unprecedented amount of it, for him). I won't mention any spoilers here, but I also wonder whether this is, at least in part, setting some stuff up for the next episode.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

That's the joy of comedy -- there is a lot of pain and sadness in it too. And I agree about setting things up! I think it's for more than the next episode, too; I think that one in turn is setting up a larger theme that is going to end in...big uncomfortable emotional stuff about the mid-season break. And it's going to be ugly, and people will whine, and I'm fascinated to see how we'll get there.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

I read this whole episode as a lot sadder and more desperate than the commentary that I've seen so far

I responded to someone else's journal that now, Rodney's team is splintered--Ford's gone, John's obsessing over getting him back, and Teyla's probably feeling a little bit adrift, too, having lost one of her first Earther friends, though she's probably learned more about losing people to the Wraith. And there are all these new people, soldiers and scientists, all over the city who haven't gone through the year they've had, there's a big bad Earth ship and a senior officer in orbit, and there's the ZPM powering up all this new stuff--that's some heavy-duty changes they're going through.

Rodney's always been the emotional canary in the mine shaft, expressing what everyone else isn't; they're probably all reealing from the changes, and not everyone's dealing well with them. And if I think about it too much, I too become sad, thinking about the interpersonal bonds getting unwound and possibly causing them to drift apart.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

God, yes. This is what I am seeing as well; they really are falling apart and they are having trouble dealing with all the stuff that has been happeneing. It's incredibly painful, and I ache for them; at the same time, for me, it's really good TV as I am caught up in all of their stories.

[saffronhouse.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, thank you, thank you very much for this reading. You've pulled into the light what very plausibly *is* running undergound. The radiation suits and the suncreen and Rodney's ... dismissal of Ford and the fact that they were once friends (especially the latter) make the traces of slapstick not funny at all, and I've had a nagging sense that I've been missing something. This fills in the gaps elegantly and with enormous psychological realism. Thank you.

(God, poor Rodney)

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

The slapstick is a defense mechanism, but not in the sense that it's a deliberate act. More in the sense that Rodney doesn't have the emotional cycles to think through what he should do as figuring that stuff out is really hard for him, so he just...ignores it. And when people look at it externally, it looks weird, so they laugh; but from the inside, it's not really funny at all.

[coreopsis.livejournal.com]

While I still have some doubts as to whether the show's writers are putting as much thought into this as the fans are, I do look forward to watching the episode again with this post in mind. I think it will be a very different experience from my first couple of viewings. :-)

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Oh, cool! Let me know if it works for you or if some things fall apart. At the moment, this feels right, but who knows what the emotional landscape will be like in another few eps.

oh I love this!

[sherrold.livejournal.com]

I'm sad to agree with those upthread and say, 'hmm, the authors probably didn't intend that', but to hell with those guys. We should stay completely within the show, and evaluate what we see -- and by that criteria, this is brilliant! (Oh how I wish this show was on any day except Friday, so we could occasionally see it together!)

Re: oh I love this!

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

You know my feeling about "fandom being about the fans" and not about the writers, actors, or anyone actually involved with the show, but I still feel like I need to flag wave and say 'yo! who cares what they intended, it's what we can make of it that counts.' The man behind the curtain never did anything for me as a fannish response; I am far more into so what if the universe were real.

And man, I'd love to watch with you too. I would get a real kick out of it. Oh, well, we can watch it together a second (or third) time around. *g*

[destina.livejournal.com]

Major Lorne to me is like the Goons in Koshka's stories, and it's the first time that we've seen that attitude in Atlantis. It shows that the new guys have a different approach to the geeks than the old guard does, for one, and the second thing that it shows is how disconnected the new guard is from what McKay used to be like.

Also, Major Lorne has a *lot* of field experience, prior to going to Atlantis; he was the leader of the SG team who discovered Daniel after his descension. *g* So the guy has been around, and he doesn't tolerate McKay well at all because he doesn't behave as a seasoned officer seems to feel he should in the field. Just an interesting sidebar; I like the way they are weaving together SG-1 and SGA by transplanting familiar faces.

Your post gave me new perspective on McKay in this episode. I'm still not sure I entirely agree; I still mostly think it's just bad writing, and McKay was written as being more obnoxious than an obnoxious thing without any true purpose to it. But I like your take on it.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Oh, neat! I didn't know that because, you know, didn'twatchSG-1 so much. *g* I can totally see why he is so annoyed with McKay then, as he isn't reacting the way, oh, Daniel Jackson would. (becasue he is so, so, so not daniel.)

And now I'll need that list from you of the episodes that these 'transfer students' were in, to add to my list of far too many SG-1 episodes that I really should see. *g* You'll catch me up on that show yet.

[the-green-sheep.livejournal.com]

It's weird; in a way, I want this to be true, so everything would make sense, and we'd get a good storyline. On the other, having to wait weeks to get an explanation for something that in and of itself just looks a lot like bad writing is quite lame.

Anyway, the idea alone makes me feel better about this episode. Thank you.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Oh, no worries! I am probably way off base, but it's fun to think through alternative explainations. *g*

[zoerayne]

Marry me? Okay, maybe not, but I still adore you. *g*

You're keeping me sane in this fandom at the moment. I love your take on what's going on with Rodney; it meshes very well with theories I'd been kind of half-formulating. Lorne's dissing of Rodney's concerns about the radiation (which were, to my mind at least, very valid concerns) was very irritating.

Everyone in the fandom seems so concerned that TPTB are making Rodney into comic relief; I was far more concerned--based on the end of last season--that they were going to try to make him into a traditional hero, losing the complexity and flaws that I find most interesting about Rodney. I'll put up with a few silly moments if it means that Rodney stays real.

[kelliem.livejournal.com]

I'm with both of you. ;)

[cetpar.livejournal.com]

I think this is a wonderful interpretation of his recent behavior. I agree with you that a lot of what is going on with Rodney is that he is feeling a great loss of control and that the stress of events is worsening his underlying anxiety. While I am not sure the writers are purposefully writing Rodney this way, this interpretation of his behavior is what I am using to reconcile his recent behaviors to myself.

I'm pretty sure we're all aware of how anxiety disorders escalate in a general sense

I do think you are right on with this. In fact, I think prolonged periods of stress tend to accentuate any strong personality traits, anxiety issues, or any coping/ defense mechanisms that people have.

Rodney has always been high-stung, quick to see the possible bad outcomes in every situation ( 38 minutes comes to mind), and anxious as a result. His intelligence & scientific expertise allow him to be in control of his environment much of the time, especially in the labs with his research & technology, and he is most comfortable there. He is arrogant, and I believe he has used the way he interacts with others as an emotional defense mechanism to keep people at arms length, protecting himself from emotional pain. (I think this is subconscious BTW). He is used to being alone.

Yet during the first season of Atlantis, he changed quite a bit, and very quickly, too--going from someone with few friends and who is not close to his blood family, to someone who admits that his team is family in Letters from Pegasus. And this is during the time period where he is frequently outside of his comfort zone (in the field) and under extreme stress come up with last minute plans to save, save, save the expedition while seeing many of his coworkers and friends die in front of him (and which he probably feels personally responsible for in some cases).

Now his defense mechanisms are in full force, and he is subconsiously trying to push people away to avoid further emotional pain. And I can see your idea that his obsessive behaviors and his worrying about things that could go wrong are also being accentuated (like the radiation). So I am attributing the focus on self and reversion to early season 1 Rodney to the cummulative stress of having the fate of the expedition on his shoulders and the emotional repercussions from all the death he has seen--esp the recent loss of Ford and the scientist on the Daedalus.

And since deals better when he is doing something to help the situation, to control the situation like you said, he would rather be in the lab. At the start of Runner , with Ford, he *can't* do anything to help. At least not, until he sees Ford again, and has something concrete to focus on, hence the switch more to our Rodney during the scenes with Ford, which I thought were fantastic BTW. Shooting Ford pushed him to the edge again, and Rodney ran rather than facing the fact that he would have to continue to shoot & kill Ford after that or possibly die at his friend's hands. That's how I justify that whole scene anyways.

I read this whole episode as a lot sadder and more desperate than the commentary that I've seen so far, and I feel real empathy for Rodney's situation. To me, it's not humorous buffoonery so much as it is an attempt to control things that cannot be controlled, and no one recognizes it.

I think this sums it up nicely. I feel that Rodney is at his breaking point now, and that he is retreating into the behaviors that helped in the past, even if he doesn't realize it. I don't know if the writers are showing Rodney this way to set him up for something later in the season, as has been implied, but we'll see.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Oh this is excellent! Yes, yes, and yes. Rodney is doing what he can at a subconsious level to make himself 'safe' in a world where there is no possibility of safety. An I love your take on the scene with Ford. Poor Rodney. His genius mind is working overtime on something that isn't really successful

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I like this explanation very much - thank you for giving me a glimmer of a clue about Rodney's behaviour this season.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

I have no idea if this concept has legs or not, but for the moment, it seems to work. *g*

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

I really like your perspective, as it provides some sort of sense to the *why* of his behaviour. While watching the show, I totally bought Rodney freaking out over the radiation suits and the sunscreen. I even got into the way he seemed brusque and uncaring toward Ford's recovery, because I felt like he was masking his true emotions. What bothered me was how the "comic relief" of his character seemed over the top, and *continual* throughout the episode. The part that I flinched at was when he ran away screaming -- and perhaps, thinking about it, this is simply DH's interpretation of the scene. But I just thought, huh -- it seems that it's leaving out the depths that this character has built up over S1 -- in the sense that Rodney has seen a lot, and been through a lot, and the whole flailing of his arms was a bit much. For me, anyway.

But I really like this essay, because I'm all for looking deeper beyond what's on the surface, which is one of the things that draws me to Rodney in the first place. Thank you!

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

I think there's a lot going on for Rodney, but he's in total denial about it and it's not concious. Like most things, he feels he has a handle on his emotions and has mastered them; only we know, not so much. The fact that he runs around screaming is just another function of having no regulators and saying what he thinks. In general, he's running flat out at everything he does, and sooner or later, he's going to fall.

[dvslj.livejournal.com]

I want to hug your explanation because it makes a lot of sense and I'm going to make it my official reason for what's up with Rodney.

However, I don't think the writers were smart enough to put that much thought into the writing ;-)

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Eh, who cares about the writers? *g* Thanks!

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Oh, please write fic! Please. *g* And thanks.

[chickwriter.livejournal.com]

Thank you, nice perspective on the whole thing. I was just getting ready to re-watch the episode. Now I can do so with your thoughts in mind.

FYI - friending you b/c I always end up reading your meta anyway. :)

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Let me know how it works going into it this waym, 'kay? *g* Thanks!

[green-key.livejournal.com]

I adore your explanation. Mostly because it's rife with Rodney angst, and Rodney angst is a beautiful thing. *g* Thanks!

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Rodney in pain is always a beautiful thing, and I guess that's what I have my hopes set on -- that his beauty in emotional torment is so amazing that anything that adds to it just...adds. *g* Thanks!

[copracat]

I love your beautiful big brain. I finished watching this ep this morning and man, I felt for Rodney. I was so proud of him when he shot Ford.

I got angry at Sheppard for being so damned flippant at times and yet I am a flippant in the face of serious shit type myself.

Particularly odd in this ep was that scene where Teyla was trying to get them free in the cave. The music is going the big John Williams portentous as Ronon steps outside the cave and Sheppard is channeling Biker Mice From Mars with his "Hey lady! Watch the merchandise!" attitude.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

I was proud of Rodney for shooting Ford too, and completely understood his immeadiate freak-out after poor guy. And Sheppard is so screwed up himself; nothing is quite right between them.

[custardpringle.livejournal.com]

I really hope you're right about this. Because I just sat through this entire episode going "Holy f--k. You people are not doing this to my favorite character. You are not," and just generally being pissed off.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Fanwank is a survival skill. Just keep repeating "producers don't matter. writers don't matter. actors don't matter. what I can do with what they give me is all that really matters..."

Really, it helps!

[julad.livejournal.com]

I'm so relieved to read this. I've been suspending judgment, waiting for either an explanation or a breaking point, and this explanation is a beautiful way of looking at it, thank you.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

I love trying to figure out how to make weird bits in canon fit together with other pieces without going to the 'well, the writers were insane' explaination. I'm glad this worked for you. Thanks.

[arallara.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for this, for doing what we do best, as fans. I'm not thrilled with the way they've used McKay as a character so far this season, but what it tends to do for me is exactly this--to push me to imagine motivations and backstories and between-the-scenes scenarios that will explain what I'm seeing onscreen. You've given me a totally plausible, canon-based reading of Rodney's behavior, working with what we've been given, but telling a far more satisfying story. Seriously, thanks. *g*

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

LOL! Well, you're welcome. I'm not up on spoilers and things so I have no idea what happens next, but it's a heck of a lot of fun playing. "the Universe is Real" is one of my most favorite games.

[g_shadowslayer]

Thank you! This is the kind of thing I was trying to say (and nowhere near as articulately) to someone on my flist. I do think this is what's happening to Rodney.

Although I also think that part of John's problem is having to deal with Caldwell's *hyper* militaristic attitude since he's spent the past year being... somewhat less uptight. I.e. not just that he's dealing with new issues, but that he's being forcibly pushed back into a role he really doesn't want to have, *and* is no longer 'in charge' (and if you're a slasher like me, he's got to worry about DADT again because he can't skate by on the 'I *am* the ranking military officer, no one can do anything to me' attitude...).

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Oh, one of the never written stories in my brain is the one where Sheppard realizes that they are re-connecting with Earth, and that they will survive, set actually about the time Everett shows up. Ah well. Many concepts, little finished. *g*

[i-naiad.livejournal.com]

I was just pointed towards this post and wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed and agreed with it. I'm glad to know I'm not the only thinking that Rodney is having some issues. To me it seems as if the realisation that he's not playing in his safe comfort zone anymore has finally sunk in and his behaviour is a compensation. Of course, this assumes intelligence on the part of the writers.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

I'm a big beleiver in not worrying about the writers. They do what they do, and it's up to us, the fans, to make it make sense in terms of characterization and universe. We have it lucky right now as we don't have a ton of contradictory material yet, and so at the moment, it can make pretty good sense.

Which means -- Rodney is freaking out. *g*