wickedwords

I have to apologize in advance for not giving this all the attention it deserves, but if I don't get it out there, I'm never going to be able to focus on work. *g* I did sit down and watch SGA last night, and then I went out and looked at a few people's comments, only to discover that no one was talking about what I thought I saw in the ep.

Specifically, is McKay losing it?

I'm pretty sure we're all aware of how anxiety disorders escalate in a general sense, but I'm not 100% on it myself, so correct my perceptions please! But basically, what I saw was this:

Post-Siege III -- possibly on Atlantis, possibly on Earth, more probably on the Daedalus -- Rodney's mind doesn't have enough to occupy it. He's a worrier, and there's a lot to worry about, but it's not as critical as it was when the wraith were breathing down their necks. And with the excess cycles and the lack of any concrete danger, Rodney starts to obsess about things that could go wrong -- with special emphasis on the exposure to radiation. (look at the way he talks about it in the ep -- sure their are mentions of cell phones and such, but his voice gets tighter and higher and his words more forceful as he talks on about nuclear bomb and finally the exposure to the sun.) Radiation is something silent and hidden and will sneak up on you; no wonder Rodney is trying to find a way to control this hidden killer. He's responsible for everyone, and of course, this is just something else that he has to trace down and manage.

So he makes sunscreens, and offers to share. He asks for radiation suits, not just for himself, but for the others too. He's freaking out, but he's still trying to care for them. And Major Lorne, the new guy, totally disses his concerns. (Major Lorne to me is like the Goons in Koshka's stories, and it's the first time that we've seen that attitude in Atlantis. It shows that the new guys have a different approach to the geeks than the old guard does, for one, and the second thing that it shows is how disconnected the new guard is from what McKay used to be like. All they have to go on is the new, completely freak-out McKay, and that's not going to have a happy ending.)

(BTW - this does make me wonder where Heightmeyer is. Is she one of the 40 who got taken by the wraith? If so, is there a therapist back in Atlantis at all or did they decide that they'd just ship people back on the Daedalus if they started to crack? If there's no shrink, then Rodney is handling this all on his own, and it's no wonder he's reverting back to his old, superstitious-style behavior. "If I just to this, it will fix the problem. If I work hard enough, if I make the right sun screen, if I can get this technology working, I might be able to stay safe, and my friends might stay safe as well" Of course, he's not going to be able to manage that, and it's all going to collapse on him some day, but hey, at the moment he's not going to be thinking of that because when caught up in the superstitious behavior, all the energy is going to that, and nothing else.)

The thing is, I don't believe that McKay really believes that they will find Ford. In his mind, ford is just another one of the missing or dead he's processing, and he's cut off all mental ties to that. In his head, he believes he's okay and has moved on -- but he hasn't. So all of his behavior in not coming to the meeting on time, on dismissing his friendship with ford, of calling out "Rodney, Rodney McKay" is because he has no faith in the universe, at least not about the dead. They are gone, and that's it; any emotional energy that goes into that is wasted, so cut all ties as quickly and cleanly as you can.

Meanwhile, John is being hopeful and believes that they will find ford, and I think that eventually led to a blow-up between him and Rodney that we didn't get to see as it's not episode-related. John's not coping just as Rodney's not coping, and John's obsessive behaviors are different form Rodney's, and it is their pain that is distancing them from each other.

But when Ford appears, stunning Rodney out of his lack of faith, he can be his old self again and no longer guard himself quite so much - until that falls apart too. So he panics and runs, and he's in a completely vulnerable space as he's let himself feel again, and tried to act with his newer skills (like shooting at ford) rather than his old ones; and the new ones won't keep him safe.

The old ones don't either, and so Rodney ends up captured, hitting the end of the emotional rollercoaster, going to be killed by a former friend that he thought was dead. In my reading of this, I see Rodney as close to tears right when the snare closes around his legs and pulls him up; he's completely emotionally exhausted. But he doesn't tip over quite far enough to cry, trying one more time to talk ford out of it, and Sheppard then saves him.

I read this whole episode as a lot sadder and more desperate than the commentary that I've seen so far, and I feel real empathy for Rodney's situation. To me, it's not humorous buffoonery so much as it is an attempt to control things that cannot be controlled, and no one recognizes it. He's surrounded with new people, John has distanced himself and is dealing with new issues, and Elizabeth's back on Atlantis and can't see that he's falling apart. And I'm sure in the labs, where he is in control, things look pretty much the same as they did before -- maybe he'll be able to retreat there where he feels safe for once and pull himself together some after this.